Deschooling: Why It’s Important Before You Begin
By: The Homeschool Wiz
If you're new to homeschooling, you’ve probably heard the term deschooling tossed around in conversations, blog posts, and Facebook groups. You may have even been advised to deschool your child before diving into academics at home. But what exactly is deschooling? Why does it matter? And how can it help set the foundation for a successful homeschooling journey?
In this post, we’ll explore the concept of deschooling—what it means, why it’s important, how long it should last, and practical tips for making the most of this transitional phase. Whether you're pulling your child out of public school or simply shifting from one type of learning environment to another, understanding deschooling is crucial to laying the groundwork for a more joyful and effective homeschooling experience.
What Is Deschooling?
Deschooling is the process of mentally and emotionally transitioning from traditional school culture to a homeschooling mindset. It’s a time when both the child and the parent take a step back from formal academics to detox from the structure, expectations, and rhythms of institutional schooling.
When a child has spent years in a classroom—being told when to sit, when to speak, what to learn, and how to think—the move to a more flexible, individualized learning environment can be jarring. Deschooling provides a buffer period that allows both the student and the parent to reset their understanding of what learning really is.
John Holt, one of the pioneers of modern homeschooling, introduced the concept of deschooling as part of his larger philosophy of unschooling. While not all homeschoolers follow unschooling methods, almost every successful homeschooling family can benefit from a season of deschooling.
Why Deschooling Is Important
1. It Allows Time to Heal
Let’s be honest: many children leave traditional schools because something wasn’t working. Maybe they were struggling academically, felt anxious, experienced bullying, or simply didn’t thrive under rigid expectations. These experiences can take an emotional toll, leaving children burned out or with a negative view of learning altogether.
Deschooling gives your child the time and space to emotionally heal. It allows them to recover from school-induced stress, rediscover their natural curiosity, and begin to associate learning with joy rather than pressure.
2. It Breaks the School Mentality
The traditional school system operates on a set of norms that are deeply ingrained in most of us: grades, bells, homework, standardized tests, and fixed curricula. Even if these elements aren’t part of your homeschool, your child—and you—may still default to them out of habit.
Deschooling helps dismantle the belief that learning only happens when sitting at a desk with a textbook. It helps children unlearn the idea that mistakes equal failure and that education is something done to them rather than with them or for them.
3. It Helps You Observe and Understand Your Child
Without the pressure of assignments and tests, deschooling allows you to observe your child in their natural state. What are they curious about? What do they love to do when no one is telling them what to do? How do they approach problems? How do they interact with the world?
This insight is invaluable when it comes time to choose a homeschool philosophy, curriculum, or daily routine. Instead of guessing what might work, you’ll be making informed decisions based on real-life observations.
4. It Builds a Relationship Based on Trust
In school, authority figures often dictate every part of a child’s day. When you transition to homeschooling, you’re not just becoming a teacher—you’re building a new kind of relationship with your child, one that centers on mutual respect, collaboration, and trust.
Deschooling provides the space to reconnect as parent and child outside of the roles of "teacher" and "student." You’ll build trust, communicate better, and foster a home environment where learning feels safe and supportive.
How Long Should Deschooling Last?
A common rule of thumb is one month of deschooling for every year your child spent in a traditional school. So, if your child was in public school for five years, consider deschooling for about five months. That said, there’s no exact formula. Some children bounce back faster, while others need more time.
Watch for these signs that your child may be ready to move into more formal learning:
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They start asking to learn certain subjects or skills.
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They express curiosity about topics that can be explored more deeply.
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They show signs of emotional readiness—calmness, interest, and less resistance to structure.
What Deschooling Looks Like (It’s Not Just a Vacation)
Deschooling doesn’t mean letting kids lie on the couch with an iPad for six weeks straight—though some of that might happen too. It’s a purposeful time of exploration, connection, and observation.
Here are some healthy and productive ways to deschool:
1. Prioritize Play
Play is the natural language of children, and it’s how they learn best—especially when recovering from burnout. Let them build forts, play board games, dress up, make art, or explore outdoors. Even older children benefit from unstructured play and creativity.
2. Read Aloud Together
Reading aloud is one of the most powerful bonding and educational activities you can do. Choose books that are fun, funny, inspiring, or adventurous. Don’t worry about grade level—just enjoy the stories together.
3. Have Conversations
Talk about life, dreams, interests, and even current events. Discuss things without turning them into lessons. These organic conversations build critical thinking skills and deepen your relationship.
4. Explore Interests
If your child is into dinosaurs, baking, coding, or anime, let them dive in. Go to the library, find documentaries, take field trips, or simply give them time to tinker and explore. This self-directed learning plants the seeds for future educational paths.
5. Create New Rhythms
Slowly build a daily rhythm that works for your family. Start with meals, chores, and quiet times. Once your child has had time to decompress, you can gradually add in more structure without overwhelming them.
6. Reflect Together
Keep a journal of your deschooling journey—either for yourself or with your child. Document what you notice, what they enjoy, and how they are changing. This can help you gain clarity on the type of homeschooling that will work best moving forward.
Common Challenges During Deschooling
Deschooling isn’t always easy. Here are a few hurdles you might encounter:
1. Parental Anxiety
You may worry that your child is falling behind. Remember, deschooling is not a waste of time—it’s a crucial investment in long-term success. Trust the process.
2. Guilt
You might feel bad for “doing nothing.” But deschooling is doing something—it’s healing, resetting, and preparing. Just because it doesn’t look like school doesn’t mean learning isn’t happening.
3. Impatience
It’s tempting to jump into curriculum shopping or scheduling. Resist the urge. Let your observations during deschooling guide your choices later.
What Happens After Deschooling?
Once you’ve deschooled, you’ll be in a better position to build a homeschooling lifestyle that works for your unique family. You might choose:
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A structured curriculum
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Interest-led learning
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Classical education
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Charlotte Mason methods
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Unit studies
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Unschooling
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Or a blend of several approaches
The key is that you’ll be moving forward intentionally, not reactively.
Final Thoughts: Give Yourself Grace
Deschooling is as much about you as it is about your child. Chances are, you were also educated in a traditional system and may carry those expectations with you. Be patient as you unlearn and relearn. Homeschooling is not about replicating school at home—it’s about reclaiming learning as a meaningful, joyful, and life-giving process.
Remember: the goal is not to “catch up” or stay on some arbitrary schedule. The goal is to raise lifelong learners who are confident, curious, and connected to their purpose.
Let’s Hear From You!
Have you gone through the deschooling process? Are you in the middle of it now? What has worked for your family, and what challenges have you faced?
Leave a comment below to share your experience. Your insights could encourage and support another family who’s just beginning this journey. Let’s build a community where we lift each other up!
A Final Encouragement
If you're just beginning, take a deep breath. You're not behind. You're not alone. And you're not messing up. You're brave enough to do something different—and that’s worth celebrating.
Deschooling is the first step toward a beautiful new chapter. Trust it. Embrace it. And watch your child—and yourself—bloom.
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